text • chris rusak

09-27-08

Incredible.

I don’t even know where to begin.

What is truth, though, is that it is unbelievable that I lived like this for so many years, especially after knowing how wonderful things can be when things are aligned. Getting to the core of my self, going into places that I swore to leave behind (but instead frantically pasted over to just make things pretty) and experiencing a dark, rank… excess that is truly overwhelming. I remember feeling this way in my past. I remember how… violent it is. The Dark can be truly Dark.

What is incredible is the correlation my being and my past have with my art of today.

I am fully aware that many, many people before me profess that suffering for one’s art is a lost cause. Perhaps they are correct, and on some level I believe it. However, now, I am here, and these waters run fast and deep. I am not drowning, by any means, but the terror of my life preserver is keeping me from swimming to the shore.

The list of pain I accumulated in six short hours is truly overwhelming.