02-12-10

Cryptic messages.

I do not feel good today.

It has been a rather long day, preceded by a rather long week. I am tired and listless. Vacant. I’ve had several rather intense panic attacks this week. I finished three works on Tuesday. I don’t really know what to make of the past seven days just yet, but to quote myself from last evening, “I understand three months ago a lot more than I understand three weeks ago.”

I had a day today where I lost faith.

I qualify myself as a nontheist. This on a day of conversations about irregardless. Troubling that as I type this, spell check underlines the former affixed word, but not that latter. It is sometimes remarkable how blind humans are. What is the allure of denial? Troubling to witness those who cannot discern the writing on the wall; troubling to have the experience yourself while witnessing the same experience in another.

My Gmail just reloaded and displayed a new message in my inbox as I was typing the last sentence. It was an email marketing message for Mr. S Leather Company. The subject, “The Many Ways in Which We Have You Covered…” It is primarily advertising leather hoods.

How does one even capably expound after that?

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