text /// Chris Rusak

04-18-10

Cardinal.

Ahead of a photowalk with CALIBER I was faced with the need to download 1000 photos from my camera to my hard drive, and also with the fact that I only had 1 GB of space left to do so, forcing me to delete some older photos. Not any easy task when you’re one of those artists who often faces difficulty throwing away the most remarkable pieces of trash. In fact, I tend to pick up discarded crap on the sidewalk, random ephemera, to throw into the source box for later use & inspiration.

I began to think about deleting and how it can be a metaphor for the moments of escapism we find ourselves in at stressful stretches of our life. My own feelings of life these days are a little discordant… the illumination has been coming from the sadder facets of daily life than the beautiful. In fact, several recent experiences and activities have revealed my own negativity and despondency more than I would like… both invitations to delete or disconnect daily doldrums.

A friend recently said the phrase “classic Chris” in response to some positive changes made to routine, and to hear that moniker was nice, affirmation that a slight tilt of the compass redirects one towards a fruitful path. Yet, seemingly tethered, I feel an anvil connected to my toes. We exist amongst undeletables: history, sadness, chance. Comfortable benches strewn through our journeys waiting for the next nomad to take rest.

This morning I followed my normal routine of urinating, making tea, and looking out my studio windows onto the city. Last night, a homeless man set up shelter on the sidewalk directly below, and was still sleeping as the steam from the mug rose through my sight. Yet another image I cannot delete, suffering and frustration weighting down another man, without safety or privacy and perhaps his dignity lost as well. I chose to edit, all I was capable of then. I sat on my couch and turned on some jazz, staring deafly into my art, wondering what pictures I would create later that afternoon.

Addendum

Participating in a CALIBER photowalk is a great experience. If you’re a photogeek, you’ll be slathered in meta by the time the day is done, asserting that your ISO is gonna make her (or his) f-stop. If you’re a lo-fi snapper, you’ll enjoy the company of others blathering away about lenses and love of San Francisco, all under the orienteering and protection of Frank Chu himself. A great bunch of folks to hang with today… people who flicked my compass towards the light.